Regardless of how DEEP I am into the research, investigation, studies and application of higher learning principles, I’m still a hard-edged REALIST at heart.

And that means, regardless of how evolved, on the path, or conscious someone thinks they are, it doesn’t excuse them from being called out on how stupid they are, either.

I’ve finally come to terms with the fact that some people, even if they say otherwise (or insinuate by what they “do” — i.e., read self-growth books, listen to our Simulcasts, attend seminars, etc.), just ain’t comfortable with themselves.

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Heck, we’re all famaliar with the kind of personality who loves to be miserable — ya know, the person who constantly gets in their own way, majors in minor things, and wallows in self-pity — but, what about that “other” kind that is never too far away from the spotlight switch?

They’re easy to spot if you see them for what they are (attention seekers), but oftentimes, they do indeed come disguised under the veil of a) having a bad case of victim-itis or b) unaccountable incompetence.

Of course, when it comes to a), the common example we seasoned online marketers shake our heads at, and blow off steam through BIG belly laughs at, is this one:

“Stop spamming me. I don’t know how you got my email,” or “Unsubscribe me now or I’ll _____” (usually some misguided threat of telling our ISP or domain provider how bad we are).

But, in both cases, you can easily see how they bleed into b), unaccountable incompetence.

So, what ta do, what ta do, what ta do ? :)….

Uhmmmm, as I ponder what would hold somebody accountable for their own actions online (i.e., subscribing to an opt-in form — after all, the Easter Bunny didn’t put their email into the form) or inability to click on an unsubscribe link that is listed at the bottom of all broadcast emails for a reason… one name, and one name only, comes to mind:

Bill Engvall

If you’re not familiar, he’s one of the comedians that’s part of the Blue Collar comedy tour. He’s famous for saying, “Here’s Your Sign.”

It’s the umbrella term for a recurring setup of Engvall’s, in which Engvall declares people who ask questions to which the answers should, he feels, be obvious, to be stupid.

With the tagline, “Here’s Your Sign”, Engvall then metaphorically gives these people a sign proclaiming their stupidity to the general public.

Whenever we get a support ticket from people that ask / comment on things like, “I don’t know how to open a PDF,” or “Your link isn’t clickable,” or “Can the Law of Attraction work for me and bring me wealth, even if I have a problem bouncing checks?” or “I see a few spelling mistakes in your email… It begs the question, is there sloppiness in other areas of your business?”… Bill Engvall’s introduction to his original “Here’s Your Sign” schtick puts a smile on my face.

It goes like this:

Introduction:

I just hate stupid people.
They should have to wear signs that just say “I’m stupid.”
That way you wouldn’t rely on them, would you?
You wouldn’t ask them anything.
It would be like, “Excuse me… oops, never mind…
I didn’t see your sign.”

Example:

It’s like before my wife and I moved from Texas to California. Our house was full of boxes and there was a U-Haul truck in our driveway. My friend comes over and says, “Hey, you moving?”

“Nope.

We just pack our stuff up once or twice a week. Just to see how many boxes it takes.

Here’s your sign.”
Example:

We were trying to sell our car about a year ago. A guy came over to the house, drove the car around for about 45 minutes. We get back to the house, he gets out of the car, reaches down and grabs the exhaust pipe, then goes, “Damn, that’s hot!”

See…

If he’d been wearing his sign, I could have stopped him.

So, it occurred to me, if Bill’s sign idea works for folks who throw out absent-minded questions to which the answer should be already known to them, we gotta have something a tad more intense for people who DO, SAY, and THINK stupid things.

Call it The Stupid Slap policy.

A worldwide legalized right to slap somebody silly who constantly gets in their own way, continues to stink up the air with recurring habits of lack and self-inflicted incompetence, or needs their ego fed through continual attention.

But, if anybody asks a stupid question, we can’t slap, only give out signs (’cause, as our 2nd grade teachers have told us since the dawn of time, there really are no stupid questions, right?… er, or maybe we should revisit that idea too).

Anyway, so, here’s a few examples of people that would qualify to receive The Stupid Slap:

>> The person who cries “I can’t open your PDF or play your .mp3 file” when they still haven’t updated their Adobe Reader program, or cleaned up their computer, browser, and operating system… or even worse, “I clicked on the icon and I don’t know where it went on my computer. HELP!”

If they’d be willing to put the time in, they could learn a lot on their own at: PcPitStop.com

If they’d be willing to put the time in, they could learn a lot on their own at: eHow.com

>> The person who tells you how to run your business, gives out unsolicited advice about why you should change sales copy to make it more bearable to read, or equates the concept of something-for-nothing with Godliness.

Regardless of what we, as marketers, say in the metaphysical community, there’s ALWAYS going to be somebody (more so than in any other niche) that feels we should a) say it a certain way, b) strive to not incite controversy, or c) keep everything “love and light” clean. More on this in an upcoming blog post here.

>> The author who labels herself as a Relationship Teacher when she’s gone through divorces and, even while she’s marketing her wares, still hasn’t figured out how to “stick” with a consistent, predictable, reliable, deep, meaningful relationship. Or, the mentor who labels himself as a Wealth Coach, when he still lives paycheck-t0-paycheck or seminar-to-seminar. As Larry Crane, founder of The Release Technique, told Heather and I during a personal call last week: “both of these caliber of teachers should be arrested.” I agree.

>> The person who feels they’re on a higher-level spiritual path than you because they’ve fit themselves into one ideology or followed a guru around, or have dived into hundreds of different courses, yet still aren’t living what they’ve “learned”.

>> The person who thinks you’re less evolved than them because you show your emotion, rant about things, incite controversial ideas, or say things that aren’t in 100% harmony with their rose-colored glasses. For a compelling discourse on this, and to read over 50 fascinating comments, read How To Fight The Good Fight.

>> The person who spends four hours daily in front of the tube (T.V. — i.e., Electronic Income Reducer) when they have more opportunities than ever before to be an incredible ACTIVE participant in life.

>> The ever unyielding relative (like my Aunt and Heather’s Aunt) who’s been brainwashed into thinking that if we’re not following the way of the Lord (er, my Christmas card from Aunt Valli last year had “Jesus is the Reason For The Season” on it), then we’re gonna fry our little butts off in damnation.

At some point, ya’d think they’d stop their unwanted marketing campaigns (i.e., sending CDs and books about things like the Rapture, God’s will, tithing, etc.) and only spend time with people who truly want to hear the message. My Aunt sent me another CD — a recording of her pastor from a sermon last month — recently, so, since she hadn’t gotten the message yet, I sent her a book from Amazon called: “The Book Your Church Doesn’t Want You To Read”.

Ahhhh, now that was fun But, if you don’t want to waste your money on hardcore fundamentalist Christians who still see God as a personality — an oversized white male with a flowing beard who sits up there watching our every move — then just send these lost-thinkers to our Life Without Limits GOD forum thread.

>> The Florida Law student (true story) who, because he wasn’t satisfied with his grade, sued his law school for using questions from a commercial test guide. Clayton Hallford claims that this practice put him and others, without the guide, at an unfair disadvantage.

>> And, last but not least, the damn person who made the decision to torture every loyal college basketball fan during March Madness with the constant repetition of their commercials showing two buffoons (the Coca-Cola Guys) wanting to sue Coke Zero for taste infringement.

These two bastards irk me. They’re kind of like the Sonic Guys in that the goal is to be unknowingly endearing with their behavior, except these two forgot to be endearing, charming, or likable in any way. They got a couple of lawyers to think they were serious about launching an absurd lawsuit. Congratulations. Really, a fantastic accomplishment. (Or… were those just actors pretending to be lawyers who were flabbergasted? Wow, even better!)

The only way these ads make me want Coke Zero, is if I could have a giant tub of it in which I could drown the guy on the left.

Okay, gonna go play now….

Talk soon